I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
