By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
