Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
