when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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