That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
