oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize