I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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