there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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