How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
