Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
