He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
