you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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