There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
