did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
