I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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