in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Randomize
