Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
