I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
