he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
