well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
