I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
