How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
