I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
