There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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