it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
