There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
please don't ironically join a cult
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