weddingsv make me drug and hornr
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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