Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
