Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
