Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
