I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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