If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
