from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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