so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
