i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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