Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What a dumb baby whore.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
