brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
