Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
