I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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