So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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