I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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