508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
