He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My hand turned me down
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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