I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
