There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cannot find my penis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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