Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
