Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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