i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
