Small penises have feelings too.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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