I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
