Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
