I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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