An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
