You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
