So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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