is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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