For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
