i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
