i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
