i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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