Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
