question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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