Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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