I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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